One of the books that we were asked to read as we prepare for the adoption is Inside Transracial Adoption by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg. This book coupled with watching the movie 42 about Jackie Robinson's journey to enter Major League Baseball have really caused me to consider the privileges I was offered simply based on my skin color.
The book helps you as a white parent to consider providing role models of the same race as your adopted children. It also in no uncertain terms makes you consider that your adopted children will encounter racism at some time. There are strong recommendations for trying to prepare your children before it occurs and then helping them process what has occurred. In the movie you are confronted with the harsh reality of racism, and the judgement by some, based solely on skin pigmentation.
Growing up in a suburban, mainly white neighborhood and attending schools that were not much more diverse, I never had the need to consider racism. I personally do not harbor any ill will towards anybody based on their cultural background, but at the same time my circle of friends is not particularly diverse. Now there is nothing wrong with that until you bring a child of another race into your family. At that point it becomes very important, to me at least, to provide that child with role models who are not just white. My son/daughter will not be carrying around a sign that says "my parents are white so please treat me like I am white." He/she will be judged fairly or not based partially on what they look like.
Now I know that not everybody will be so judgmental but some people will. One of the things to consider that is mentioned in the book goes as follows and I am paraphrasing: many white parents say they do not feel comfortable going into a black community to make friends because they don't like being the only white person in the room. That is how your child may feel being the only black person in the room with your white friends. It is definitely something to think about. Just out of curiosity I decided to look at the diversity of our local schools to see what it will be like. I first looked at the elementary school, 58% white, 16% asian, 16% hispanic, 6% black and 4% multiracial. I was a little disappointed to find the high school not as diverse, 68% white, 12% asian, 10% hispanic, 6% black and 5% multiracial. I don't know what I was expecting but definitely more diversity.
I think Jenn and I are both going to be committed to keeping a cultural connection for our new family members but this piece had not occurred to me before. Now our circle of friends have some very role model worthy Filipino's in it, our brother-in-law and his whole family, good friend at church and a coworker of mine. I hope to grow those relationships and expand our circle of friends as well. Ultimately I want this to be a positive experience and I am realizing this journey is not simple. We are going to need to provide more than just love, food and housing which I knew going into this but now I am becoming keenly aware of what that will really look like.
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